Better Questions, Better Answers

In the past couple of days, I've had two different conversations that have reminded me the value of asking a good question.  One conversation was about relationships and marriage.  The other conversation was about worldviews and perspectives.  Both of these conversations happened with people close to me that often help me think through my own perspectives, beliefs, behaviors, and relationships.

As I stated in my first post (in some form or another), I don't claim to have all the answers backed with scientific research.  However, I have learned a few things that have worked for me while I've lived my life that might be worth sharing.  Here are a couple pointers I've found helpful is asking better questions to get better answers.

1. Seek clarity.  I might think I know what the other person is talking about, but if they have a different idea of how a word or idea should be defined, then the likelyhood of misunderstanding each other increases.  I've found it helpful for me to sometimes start a question or response with telling the other person what I am not addressing and what I am addressing.  It just adds another level of clarity (though some people have received this as dragging out the conversation).

2. Be thoughtful in how you frame your question or response.  Avoid loaded language.  Avoid generalizations.  If I can't necessarily avoid a stereotype, I acknowledge that there is a stereotype at play in the conversation.  I have found that avoiding loaded language, avoiding generalizations, and acknowledging them when they are unavoidable helps sidestep unnecessary frustrations and rabbit trails that aren't on the main point.

3. Be aware of who the other person is.  If I'm conversing with someone, I want to be aware of who they are, how they think, what makes them tick, what they care about, etc.  Obviously, I'm going to be talking with people who I don't know well (or at all), so this becomes harder.  However, if I'm working at really listenting well to the other person, they will naturally drop clues about who they are (as will I as I talk).  But, there are times that I know something about a person, so I might try to relate things "in their language" (speak in volleyball analogies to me and I'm all yours!).

So, again, I'm not claiming that these are "three secrets to successfully conversing with anyone and everyone", but I am saying that they have helped me.  Maybe they will help you!  When I take the time to not blurt out the first question that comes to mind, but instead ask a better question, I find that I get better answers.

Tell me what works for you that I've missed; I'd love to hear them!