Important vs. More Important

Last time, I wrote about the idea that every time we say "yes" to something that takes time and energy we have said "no" to something else.  Part of the reason that this matters is because time and energy are limited resources that we don't get back once spent.  The reality is that there are times where the decision is clear and easy to make, but what happens when that isn't the case?

Have you ever had a decision of any magnitude that had more than one good option?  Or maybe more than one really good option?  I know my life has had times where decisions have been clear because one option was clearly better and more beneficial than the other.  A little self-discipline and the choice is made, the time and energy spent, and I'm happy with the results.  No sweat.

About 10 years ago I first came across the reality of the important vs. more important.  About 6 years ago is when this principle really started to mean something to me in a tangible way.  I started learning through the experiences of working a couple jobs, going to school part-time, being married, and having a house to clean that sometimes life involves tricky choices of important things versus more important things.

I definitely made some mistakes in discerning what was most important for me to do in a given moment.  It took some time and living the consequences of my decisions to help sort out my options and reach more clarity in this matter.  The most frequent example I have is when the obligation of important homework came up against the desire to spend quality time (or any time) with my wife.

I eventually realized that learning can take place without homework (though a well-planned class assigns worthwhile, non-busywork homework), but a healthy marriage can't be realized without quality time.  The more time that passed, the better I got at recognizing when I needed to ignore the important homework instead of ignoring my more important wife.  And really, the decision making came down to what matters most at the end of the day.

I think it is important to not be ignorant.  I think it is important to be educated.  I think it is important to know how to read, write, and think well.  I think it is important to know how to read, write, and think critically.  My formal education gave me the tools to do those things.  However, at the end of the day, those things don't hold up to being able to say that I loved my wife well and did everything I could to support her each and every day.

So, sometimes I skipped small or medium-sized homework assignments.  Other times I took 5-10 minutes to clarify with Kristin when we would spend time together that day, week, or weekend in light of my work load.  It amazes me how much more patience she had for me and my work load when she knew I was working hard to care for her and love her well.

I'd love to hear an example you have of choosing between the important and more important.  I'm sure I can learn something from it.

When "Yes" Means "No"

Of the different lessons I've learned in my life, this lesson is one that I had to learn the hard way.  Obviously, it is nicer to learn things through easy means that don't involve some sort of hardship, but learning things the hard way seems to have a greater amount of sticking power.  We seem to remember things better when it hurts.

If you know me, then you probably know I spent five and a half years taking part-time classes to finish my undergrad degree while working two part-tme jobs (one was in a church, which made it hard to call it part-time).  I knew I was over-scheduled and that I had made a choice to be.  At first, it wasn't a big deal to be crazy busy.  However, more good opportunities of how I could spend my time kept coming across my path.

If you know me, then you probably know I love volleyball.  I played at a summer youth conference every year starting in sixth grade and played for my high school all four years.  I played in a year round league multiple times during high school to prepare for my high school seasons.  The opportunity to play volleyball is always a big incentive to make room in my schedule to play.

When I found a volleyball open gym in my area a couple summers ago, I had the time to play.  Every week in the summer for a couple hours on a Thursday night, I would go have tons of fun.  What I quickly learned in the fall when school started again  was that saying "yes" to volleyball meant saying "no" to homework, studying, house work, quality time with my wife, sleeping, mentoring high schoolers, etc.  Those weren't things I was willing to sacrifice.  There weren't enough hours in the week for everything I needed and wanted to accomplish.

Balance is incredibly important in life and one of the only ways I'm ever able to achieve it is when I remember saying "yes" can equal saying "no" to something else.  I have to make sure I say "yes" to the important things and people in my life.  I don't want to say "yes" to something permissible to find out later in the day or week that it wasn't beneficial for me (Paul wrote about this in 1 Corinthians 10:23).

Bottom line?  You might say "yes" to something and it might be totally fine.  Great!  But, be aware that there will be times when saying "yes" means a "no" to something else beneficial, constructive, or really important.